i barfeds in our rink
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
