guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
