i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
