I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
