I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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