i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
