Kiss
Puke
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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