I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He's a Shit stain on my heart
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
