Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
