we're blogging at a bar
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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