Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
