Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
