I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
