I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
