Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize