Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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