My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
