Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
