apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
