He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
