did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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