In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
