Is it because I queefed?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
