i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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