Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
