guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
