what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
