Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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