Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
