Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
