I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
