At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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