dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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