My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
