went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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