I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
