I could have mohawked her pubes.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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