I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize