If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
