what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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