Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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