If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
