OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
