that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
