Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
my shit smells like andre
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
