Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
did you just send me my own nude
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize