i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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