it was like his penis was on wheels.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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