this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
