It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
