Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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