i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
