2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
