I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
