And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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