I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
