fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
