I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
