dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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