How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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