sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
