You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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