the new term for farting is butt boxing.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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