I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
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