if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
