Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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