Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
