How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize